Dear Wife…
How the hell do you thank the person who saved you from yourself?
I feel as though I wasn’t Lauriel’s wife for the first part of this year, rather I was the fifth child in the household. I will probably always feel guilty for the way she had to prop me up over the first part of this year, mentally, emotionally, even sometimes physically while I cried.
How do you thank the person who lay in bed with you for hours while you cried? How do you thank the person who told you repeatedly you weren’t stupid, an idiot, a moron, a waste of space. How do you thank the person who put up with your mood swings? How do you thank the person who didn’t yell back when you yelled at her? How do you thank the person who essentially provided all the care for your children for a period of months? How do you thank the person who always put you first and her kids last?
If you are me you shower that person with gifts of crochet.
Yeah, not exactly a fair trade is it? You stopped me having a mental breakdown, here, have a capelet! And a shawl!
I feel as if I have nothing I can give, nothing that really explains or demonstrates just how grateful I am to have such an amazing woman in my life. But I can crochet. I can make her things. I know a shawl or a capelet or… well, anything crocheted doesn’t seem like a big deal, but there is so much time and effort that goes in to each item. More than that there is love.
While I am making something for her I find it impossible to not think about how lucky I am to have her, how lucky my kids are to have her, how lucky the world is to have her. It takes a very special person to put themselves last and to spend so much time trying to reassure someone that they do matter, that their feelings are important… when most of the time it probably feels like talking to a brick wall.
One day I will find a way to truly thank her… but until then she will have to make do with a LOT of crocheted items…
A LOT.