On Sunday we had a family photo taken with Santa! The last time we did this was 2012 and it is amazing how much the kiddos have grown!!!
I have more to update but I don’t have the time right now… so I shall just leave you with our photo!
… and for comparison, our photo taken in 2012 (our first ever family photo!)
I competed my degree!
I am still in shock because I never imagined the day would arrive where I would be walking across the stage in cap and gown, to receive a degree I completed. I can’t quite describe how it feels, knowing I have accomplished something I first set out to do 14 years ago… after many false starts I finally made it; I am now a graduate, holding a Bachelor of Communication with a major in Journalism Studies.
Not only was the last semester my final one – it was also my most successful semester – with no grade lower than a B+.
My goal for both semesters this year was to not get anything below a ‘B’ grade, something I didn’t achieve in semester one, but most certainly achieved in semester two! It feels good to know that I can set myself such a goal and actually achieve it. To be honest, I think my grades in the final semester were just as exciting for me as completing my degree… the only other A grade (A-) I received was back in my first year, in my Media Skills class. To achieve three in one semester just blew me away.
What’s next for me?
Being the stickler for punishment that I am, I am back to study next year and this time will be working toward my BA. I am majoring in Classical Studies because it is something that I have been passionate about since high school and I know that if I don’t take the time to study it more in depth, I am going to regret it when I am older.
I am confident that in 2018 I will be in a similar situation, having successfully completed my BA!
Lauriel got a job and began working last week. I was worried about how I would cope because since about April 2013 she has been doing a bulk of the responsible adulting and parenting, because of my less than stellar mental health.
Prior to last week, I can’t really remember the last time I took the kids to school by myself, or went and did the groceries by myself (actually, it was Christmas Eve 2014… what was I, fucking crazy???), or did the little errands that needed to be done. Sometimes I would go to school with her. Sometimes I would go to the supermarket with her. Very rarely did I do anything alone that would put me in contact with those scary human things.
Depression and anxiety do fucked up things to your brain. The simplest of adult tasks seemed impossible and I lacked motivation to do… well, anything really. Even eating was hard and on a daily basis Lauriel would have to force me to eat breakfast, to eat lunch.
You can understand how shocked I am that 10 days into needing to be self sufficient, and being responsible for everything relating to the kids (until 5pm), I am thriving.
I wouldn’t say I LOVE my wife being at work all day, but finally, after years and years of feeling like I am inadequate as an adult, I feel like a real adult. I feel like a real mum. I feel like a real wife.
I really am shocked that I feel so mentally well, because I thought it’d be the opposite. I had images of myself crying all day while Lauriel was at work. I had images of needing to force myself to pick the kids up, and crying all the way there. I had images of being pissy that I had to go to the supermarket, of getting out of that place and being ready to punch a brick wall.
But no. Being in a routine has done wonders for me. Doing what I want, when I want is no longer an option.
I know that I have to be awake at 7.30am.
I know that I have to have the lunches done and kids out the door by 8.30am.
I know that I need to do x, y & z on certain days.
I know I need to leave home and be at school by 2.50pm.
I know I need to bring the kids home and get afternoon tea and homework underway.
I know that I need to have dinner planned and depending on what it is, underway by 5.30pm.
I know that between 5.00pm and 5.30pm Lauriel gets home and we spend a few minutes cuddling and talking about the day.
I know that around 6.30pm dinner is had.
I know that between 7pm & 7.30pm the three younger kids go to bed.
I know that 8pm means lights off.
I know that around 9pm Eloise goes to bed.
I know that around 10.30pm we go to bed.
The last time I felt ‘blah’ (aka: depressed) or anxious was at least 10 days ago, and that is a major accomplishment for me.
I do miss my wife like crazy when she’s at work, but I’m also busy enough that I don’t really have time to sit and mope, or to feel sorry for myself. For the first time in a long time, my brain doesn’t feel quite so cluttered and the world doesn’t seem quite so scary.
Except on Sunday and Monday, when my wife has days off. By then I’m over being a responsible adult and tend to become a bit of a recluse.
Emma Knits 